Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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