she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
