I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
