She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
