Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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