I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I party with great urgency now.
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