I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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