I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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