remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
