JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
