fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
