I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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