My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize