I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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