I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
