I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize