if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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