My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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