The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize