God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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