I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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