This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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