She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
