I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So vagazzling was a success
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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