i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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