also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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