there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
