That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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