i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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