does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?