I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere