I'm fucking your sister right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?