two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
