My room smells like vodka and shame
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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