Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
