Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
