all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
