i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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