You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
smell my finger.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
