i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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