I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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