i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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