Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize