this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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