oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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