Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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