I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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