We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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