We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
