Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?