So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it