Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum