that's an acceptable place to lick
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.