my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄