S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize