omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You don't make any sense
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